I heard there was going to be a swayamvar season 2,so I went to the NDTV imagine office,but to my disappointment I was informed it was not rakhi ka swayamvar(I love her sooo much,jejussss ki kasam!!!) it was actually rahul mahajan;s swayamvar,being the fame ka bhuka I am , I said mujhe bi lelo,kahani mein acha twist ajayega,they said they cant select me as I was too classy and good looking for rahul mahajan :P.
So I was thinking if the most beautyphool,powerphool and bloodyphool bachelorette of UTTAR PRADESH was to organize her swayamvar, who would turn up to win her heart-
1) SALMAN KHAN
The most eligible bachelor in bollywood, ultimate bad boy, both kayavati and salman are famous for hit and runs, salman hits people on the road and runs away,and kaayavati regularly hits ministers and IAS’s,who if lucky,manage to run away
2) DEV ANAND
The most eligible 250 year old bachelor, ever green, I am sure after 21st December 2012 he would still be alive to repopulate earth
3) EX-GOVERNOR N.D. TIWARI
Clearly the most experienced of the lot (if u know what I mean ;))
4)MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I cn go yar,zyada age difference kahan hain mre aur uske bich mein,I am 20 and shes like wat…92…itna to chalta hi hain :P….waise bi kisko parks mein apni 2000 crs ki statues lagwana nai pasand..mri bi lag jayegi,atleast birds will have something to crap on :P
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
THE HAIN?????????????? PIC....
My new section on real life funny pics that i click-
FOUND THIS IN MY BATHROOM...
WHO WROTE THIS?? RAKHI SAWANT OR RAVI KISAN BHAYYA??
1)IT IS A "MULTI CLEANER" PRODUCT
2)BAD ORDERS??
Monday, February 1, 2010
Different types of khujlis on phone..…
1 )Result poochne ki khujli…
Magically, out of no where I get a call from my mummy ki behen ke bhai ke beti ke kutte ki dog trainer ki padosi ke ladkey ke dost ki saying-
“Shiv bhai,Mein bankey lal bihari,apne pcc ka paper diya tha,kya hua result ka??”
Me-“Saley peep peep peep @#@#$# rakh phone!!”
I mean these are the people who dont give a damn about my life, and result ke din inko meri bahut yaad ajati hain
2) Obvious chizein puchne ki khujli….
Rat ko do baje I get 25 missed calls,i wake up and I call back
Me-“Bol Bhai”
Mr.xxx-“Bhai So to nai raha tha??”
Me-“Nai mein kabristan mein night shift ki job karra hun”
3) "Mein bol raha hun" khujli….
One day I get a call-
Mr.XXX-"Hello Shiv"
Me-"Han kaun??"
Mr.XXX-"Bhai,mein bol raha hun"
Me-"Bol to mein bi raha hun..Tu hain kon??"
Magically, out of no where I get a call from my mummy ki behen ke bhai ke beti ke kutte ki dog trainer ki padosi ke ladkey ke dost ki saying-
“Shiv bhai,Mein bankey lal bihari,apne pcc ka paper diya tha,kya hua result ka??”
Me-“Saley peep peep peep @#@#$# rakh phone!!”
I mean these are the people who dont give a damn about my life, and result ke din inko meri bahut yaad ajati hain
2) Obvious chizein puchne ki khujli….
Rat ko do baje I get 25 missed calls,i wake up and I call back
Me-“Bol Bhai”
Mr.xxx-“Bhai So to nai raha tha??”
Me-“Nai mein kabristan mein night shift ki job karra hun”
3) "Mein bol raha hun" khujli….
One day I get a call-
Mr.XXX-"Hello Shiv"
Me-"Han kaun??"
Mr.XXX-"Bhai,mein bol raha hun"
Me-"Bol to mein bi raha hun..Tu hain kon??"
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
WhY I hAtE LiFts...
There are times in a man’s life when he is all tired, and demoralized, and then there is a divine intervention, something from within tells him to march forward and fight the situation and then there are sometimes when you can feel your balls in your throat, you crap in your pants, waiting for the nightmare to end, when you are stuck in an elevator with a dog…
Last night I went to a friend’s place, lived on the 13th floor (how lucky that is) now let me confess I hate lifts, and I started to climb the stairs, but somehow on the second floor I convinced myself to take the lift. I took the lift, there were 3 people in the lift, me, a lady with only 2 teeth in her mouth, looked like she was straight from some ram gopal verma’s horror flick, and her dog, I don’t remember which breed, but the dog was straight from hell, giving me looks as if he was going to bite my ass off.
Somewhere around the eight floor, the lift stopped, I got scared not because the lift stopped but because the 2 toothed ugly lady was smiling at me, aisa look deri thi ki amrish puri bhi sharma jaye,I thought to myself “beta, ya to aj you are going to get molested or going to get rabies injection, or both”.confusion ye bi tha ki katega kon and molest kon karega.
The dog was really upset and was barking like hell, now if you live on planet earth, and have ever used lifts, you would realize that lifts are not that spacious, a dog barking and jumping could touch your legs with his sharp teeth, and make you piss in your pants.
Somehow after 2 minutes, the lift started and I (safely!!) went on to meet my friend.
I AM DONE WITH LIFTS IN THIS LIFE.
Last night I went to a friend’s place, lived on the 13th floor (how lucky that is) now let me confess I hate lifts, and I started to climb the stairs, but somehow on the second floor I convinced myself to take the lift. I took the lift, there were 3 people in the lift, me, a lady with only 2 teeth in her mouth, looked like she was straight from some ram gopal verma’s horror flick, and her dog, I don’t remember which breed, but the dog was straight from hell, giving me looks as if he was going to bite my ass off.
Somewhere around the eight floor, the lift stopped, I got scared not because the lift stopped but because the 2 toothed ugly lady was smiling at me, aisa look deri thi ki amrish puri bhi sharma jaye,I thought to myself “beta, ya to aj you are going to get molested or going to get rabies injection, or both”.confusion ye bi tha ki katega kon and molest kon karega.
The dog was really upset and was barking like hell, now if you live on planet earth, and have ever used lifts, you would realize that lifts are not that spacious, a dog barking and jumping could touch your legs with his sharp teeth, and make you piss in your pants.
Somehow after 2 minutes, the lift started and I (safely!!) went on to meet my friend.
I AM DONE WITH LIFTS IN THIS LIFE.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
WhAt If.....ParT-1
Here i was relax-singh in my room,surfing da net,drinking tea..and..SUDDENLY... a thought came to my mind,what if there was no internet,no cellphones,no computers,no TV,no ipods,NO BALDY RAGHU TO TEACH YOUNG KIDS HOW TO SWEAR...NO EKTA KAPOOR SERIALS.....OMG!!.....WHAT IF WE WERE STILL IN THE STONE AGE.....
1)IF THERE WAS NO EKTA KAPOOR SERIAL-
Women would naturally be unhappy,they would have to do boring things like taking care of kids,cooking food,cleaning the cave,no endless weepings..no jina marna fir jeena fir marna fir jeena,no 1000 shadis per women in a serial,and baa would not be the 300 year old women she is
2)NO PHACEBOOK,CHIRKUT OR TWEEEETER
No social networking!!!,how would we say hi and heloz to people we hardly care about,how would we do FRAAANDSHIP wid girls,how would we throw sheep,logs of wood,stones,god knows what nots at people,how would we constantly post updates for people who give a hog shit about our lives!!
3)NO ROADIES..SPLITSVILLA...RAKHI KA SWAYAMVAR,RAKHI KI SUHAGRAAT :P
No MTV!!!,no stupid reality shows,..how will our kids learn to say maa ki nd behen ki galiss,how will rakhi sawant earn a living :O
MORE WHAT IF'S COMING SOON...:P
1)IF THERE WAS NO EKTA KAPOOR SERIAL-
Women would naturally be unhappy,they would have to do boring things like taking care of kids,cooking food,cleaning the cave,no endless weepings..no jina marna fir jeena fir marna fir jeena,no 1000 shadis per women in a serial,and baa would not be the 300 year old women she is
2)NO PHACEBOOK,CHIRKUT OR TWEEEETER
No social networking!!!,how would we say hi and heloz to people we hardly care about,how would we do FRAAANDSHIP wid girls,how would we throw sheep,logs of wood,stones,god knows what nots at people,how would we constantly post updates for people who give a hog shit about our lives!!
3)NO ROADIES..SPLITSVILLA...RAKHI KA SWAYAMVAR,RAKHI KI SUHAGRAAT :P
No MTV!!!,no stupid reality shows,..how will our kids learn to say maa ki nd behen ki galiss,how will rakhi sawant earn a living :O
MORE WHAT IF'S COMING SOON...:P
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
ThE( WoRsT) iNDIans Of ThE yR AwarDs
After intense research and lotz of sleepless nights,nd discussion with an emminent jury,consisting ramlal(gali ka kutta) and ma chaiwalla chotu,here are ma awards for ppl making dog shit out of their careers in 2009.......
POLITICS
C.M. madhu koda
Fr being do koda(i) ka insan,
Claim 2 fame-2000cr khagaya nd Dakar bi ni mari :p
BUSINESS
Satyam ke raju ji
sir apne to kamal hi kr diya
Claim 2 fame-
satyam satyam yes papa
Going profitable
Yes papa
Show me your balance sheet
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
ENTERTAINMENT
rakhi sawant
Claim 2 fame-jejusss ki daya hn ap par mataji,jus w8ng fr rakhi ka swayamvr season 2 :p
PUBLIC SERVICE
Himesh nd Akshay kumar
Claim 2 fame-single handedly screwed da minds of Indian cine goers,ab log darr ke mare muviz nai dekhte,nd apna dimag dusri jagah lgate hn,gr88 wrk
POLITICS
C.M. madhu koda
Fr being do koda(i) ka insan,
Claim 2 fame-2000cr khagaya nd Dakar bi ni mari :p
BUSINESS
Satyam ke raju ji
sir apne to kamal hi kr diya
Claim 2 fame-
satyam satyam yes papa
Going profitable
Yes papa
Show me your balance sheet
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
ENTERTAINMENT
rakhi sawant
Claim 2 fame-jejusss ki daya hn ap par mataji,jus w8ng fr rakhi ka swayamvr season 2 :p
PUBLIC SERVICE
Himesh nd Akshay kumar
Claim 2 fame-single handedly screwed da minds of Indian cine goers,ab log darr ke mare muviz nai dekhte,nd apna dimag dusri jagah lgate hn,gr88 wrk
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