JAN LOKPAL BILL

THIS IS A RESPONSE TO INDIA AGAINST CORRUPTION'S FACEBOOK PAGE IDEA THAT PEOPLE COME UP WITH THEIR OWN VERSION OF LOKPAL BILL,I HAVE GIVEN MY VIEWS HERE.

Stalwarts like Anna hazare,Kiran Bedi,the Bhushan’s and Arvind kejriwal are drafting the bill, and they are doing a great job, I am just an ordinary young citizen of this country who is tired of corruption, here is my humble attempt at proposing some additions to be made in the bill.


I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A MODEL COMPRISING OF 3 COMMITTIES -

1)THE SELECTION COMMITTEE-




This committee would conduct a simple exam checking the candidate’s proficiency in the local language and his/her general awareness and basic knowledge of the bill, also the committee would conduct an interview of the candidates who have a satisfactory performance in the interview

2)TRAINING COMMITTEE-







This committee would train the selected candidates, I suggest 4 training colleges throughout the country, conducting a 15 days diploma for making him/her ready for the post. Time to time seminars can be conducted to promote a continuous learning experience of lokpals. Also the lokpal of a particular area would be trained to use social networking sites like facebook/orkut to keep in touch with the people in that area, video sharing sites like youtube can also be used by lokpal to explain matters to the people of that area

3) THE REVIEW COMMITTEE-






This committee would-
a) Ask lokpal’s to submit monthly reports detailing their performance, with a special stress on cases which they are unable to solve
b) After assuming their post as Lokpal would get his/her net worth declared at the beginning and at the end of his/her term, so that a comparison can be done by the performance review committee and ensure that there has been no suspicious change in his wealth, a chartered Accountant’s services can be used here.
c) An yearly meeting would be held between the lokpal of an area and its residents, a copy of its report would also be sent to the review committee
d)This committee, if is not satisfied with the lokpal’s work or has received complaints about him/her ,can terminate him/her, after carrying out a detailed investigation and giving him/her a chance to explain his/her situation.

I hope more people come out and give ideas, THIS IS YOUR BILL PEOPLE, CONTRIBUTE!!
Name-D.shiv Ratan
Age-21
Qualification-Pursuing CA

3 WAYS TO BECOME THE PRIME MINISTER/PRESIDENT OF INDIA

1 YOU HAVE TO BE REALLY OLD (ANCIENT IS THE RIGHT WORD)

NOW IF YOU WANT TO BECOME THE PM OF INDIA THEN YOU HAVE TO BE REALLY OLD,I MEAN REAAALLLY OLD,YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WHEN DINOSAURS WERE ROAMING AROUND,YOU AGE SHOULD BE SO OLD THAT YOUR MIGHT HAVE TO BE DETERMINED BY CARBON DATING,MOST OF PEOPLE YOU KNOW SHOULD BE DEAD OR SO HELPLESS THAT EVEN DEATH DOESN’T WANT THEM










MORARJI DESAI WAS THE OLDEST PRIME MINISTER IN THE WORLD-WAS 81 YRS OLD WHEN HE BECAME THE PM OF INDIA






2) YOU NEED TO HAVE EVERY KNOWN DISEASE TO MANKIND


YOU MUST HAVE POOR EYESIGHT,JOINT PAINS,YOU SHOULD GO TO COMA ONCE IN A WHILE,THE MORE DISEASED YOU ARE THE BETTER THE CHANCES YOU HAVE, I THINK THE CRITERIA FOR SELECTION OF PRIME MINISTERS AND PRESIDENTS IS THE POLITICAL PARTIES MAKE A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKELY TO DIE IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS(THE SOONER THE BETTER),AND THE PERSON WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO DIE IS SELECTED.




"ZINDA LASH"


ATAL BIHARI BAJPAYEE HAD SEVERE KNEE PROBLEMS THROUGHOUT HIS TERM IN THE OFFICE




3) YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL THE BEST DEGREES IN THE WORLD, YOU SHOULD BE VERY INTELLIGENT, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GOVERNING THE COUNTRY, YOU HAVE TO BE SOMEONES SOCK PUPPET,YOU HAVE TO ASK MADAMJEE BEFORE YOU TAKE A DECISON ,ASK MADAMJEE BEFORE YOU TAKE A LEAK,ASK MADAMJEE BEFORE YOU TAKE A SHIT.





NEED I SAY ANYTHING ELSE???


SAD BUT TRUE.

Shiv calls the customer care

Shiv calls the customer care


Right now, I called the HAIR-TEL customer care service, my internet was not working..i dialed the number and this is what happened…
---Call rings---

“Welcome to hair-tel customer care service, THANK YOU FOR BOTHERING US…
PRESS 1 FOR HINDI, 2 FOR ENGLISH,3 FOR ANY OTHER LANGUAGE”







(I pressed 3)
“YOU A**HOLE!! WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM??AFRICA?? GO BACK AND PRESS 1 OR 2”






(I PRESS 2)
DIAL YOUR MOBILE NUMBER
(I DIALED MY NUMBER)
YOUR NUMBER IS xx-xxx-xxx PRESS 1 IF ITS CORRECT, PRESS 2 IF YOU ARE A F***KIN ILLITERATE AND YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL






(I PRESS 1)

OK, SO YOU CAN COUNT,PRESS 1 FOR MOBILE PROBLEM,PRESS 2 BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP YOUR INTERNET


(I PRESS 2)

PRESS 1 IF YOU ARE LEFTY, PRESS 2 IF YOU ARE RIGHT HANDED, PRESS 3 IF YOU DON’T HAVE HANDS





(WTF!!! PRESS 2)

PRESS ONE TO TALK TO OUR CUSTOMER CARE

(I PRESS 1)

SORRY,ALL OUR EXECUTIVES ARE BUSY,ACTUALLY WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM,SO,DON’T BE A 2 YR OLD GIRL AND STOP CRYIN ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM,FIX IT ON YOUR OWN,PRESS 1 IF YOU STILL HAVE NO SELF RESPECT AND WANT TO CONTINUE




(I PRESS 1)

*THEY CUT THE CALL*

ME-



*SHIV THROWS THE PHONE OUT OF THE WINDOW*

S MAN V/S THE K WOMEN ;)

Story of Every Ekta Kapoor/Saas Bahu Soap ever made(or to be made)


1)The girl is Blind/has a Dark Complexion/is Deaf/Dumb/short/ugly like sh*t(looks like a result of breeding between Great Khali and Johnny lever)/has 200076 teeth in her mouth/has two heads (none of them having a brain)






2)If She is rich,She is arrogant,and falls for a poor guy,if shes poor she falls for a super rich guy,who comes from A SUPER DUPER RICH “BUSINESS” FAMILY,WHERE MEN AND WOMEN WEAR FANCY CLOTHES THE WHOLE DAY,ENGAGE IN CHOOGLI(GOD KNOWS WHEN THEY ACTUALLY GO TO WORK TO BE SO “RICH”)




3)The rich boy/rich girl has a mother who is proud/arrogant/bitchy.cunning and wears fancy sarees and jewellary,and doesn’t even go to the bathroom without her 12 hour makeup on.




4)Basically the men in the family are USELESS,ALL THEY DO IS SIT IN THE CORNER,GET SCOLDED BY THEIR WIVES/SIGN WRONG DOCUMENTS WHICH LEADS TO TFR OF PROPERTY ETC ETC





5)There is also a grandma who is 5 billion years old,who refuses to die,whereas every 20 year old in the serial regularly dies of a bullet shot/explosion/cancer/AIDS/PILES




6)After the love affair,singing and dancing,the boy/girl get married to someone else,now a long series of remarriages start(takes about 10 years to complete and about 1000 years for the viewer to understand)
This is my humble attempt to make you understand how it happens-

Step 1-Original Husband/Wife dies
Step2-Girl/Boy marry dead Husband/Wife ki Bhai/Behen
Step3-The Person in Step 1 comes back
Step 4-Divorce of Sep 2
Step5-Person of Step 3 already marries another Boy/Girl
Step6-Person in Step 2 and 5 fall in love and marry
Step7-Person born from Step6 marries person born from Step 2
Step8-Viewer loses his/her mind marries his dog,dies from intense pain in the brain/goes into a coma

How to make your own celebrities :P

These are my perfect ingrediants for making your bollywood/hollywood star,if u get offended after reading this coz i kicked arses of your favrt celebrities,well SCREW YOU!! :-P

1)FIRST CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS-

SUPERMAN








PLUS


BATMAN






PLUS

SPIDERMAN






PLUS




A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION TO MAGNIFY ALL THEIR POWERS MILLION TIMES






AND THE MOST IMPORTANT
NOTE-DO NOT FORGET,OR YOUR EXPERIMENT WILL MOST DEFINITELY FAIL---



IDLI SAMBAR




AND YOU HAVE THE ONE,THE ONLY,THE AMAZING,INCREDIBLE,BALD,BLACK,BUDHA












ENNA RASCALA MIND IT!!!


2)FOR MAKING THE 2ND CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS-
SOME REALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY FAAATTTTTTTTTTT AND UGLY LIPS



I MEAN REAALLLLLLLY FAAAAATTT


PLUS

A FROG-ANY SIMPLE FROG,BUT THE ONLY CONDITION IS SHOULDN'T ACT BETTER THAN PRIYANKA CHOPRA




AND YOU GET.......

EUREKA!!!!





3)THIRD CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS
A BAT



PLUS

A FRIDGE



NOW ALL YA GOTTA DO IS PUT DEAD BAT IN THE FRIDGE FOR CLOSE TO A MILLION YEARS,WHEN YOU TAKE IT OUT MAKE SURE IT IS STINKING,HAS PALM TREES GROWING PN HIS HEAD INSTEAD OF HAIR AND HAS 600 PACK ABS..MAKE SURE HE SPEAKS STUPID MUSHY ROMANTIC STUFF TOO….AND VOILA……..



THE ULTIMATE DOUCHE BAG OF ALL

ROBERT KISKA-SON




4)FOURTH CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS

SILICON CHIPS
FIND SOME REALLY CHEAP QUALITY SILICON CHIPS..THAT CAN MALFUNCTION ANYTIME ANYWHERE( PREFERABLY A REALITY SHOW)



CRY BABY
A CRY BABY WHICH CAN CRY UNTIL 21 DEC 2012




AND YOU GET....
MRI JAAN RAKHI SAWANT :-P

The plot of every akshay kumar movie ever :p part 1

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The plot of every akshay kumar movie ever :p part 2

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