Shiv calls the customer care

Shiv calls the customer care


Right now, I called the HAIR-TEL customer care service, my internet was not working..i dialed the number and this is what happened…
---Call rings---

“Welcome to hair-tel customer care service, THANK YOU FOR BOTHERING US…
PRESS 1 FOR HINDI, 2 FOR ENGLISH,3 FOR ANY OTHER LANGUAGE”







(I pressed 3)
“YOU A**HOLE!! WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM??AFRICA?? GO BACK AND PRESS 1 OR 2”






(I PRESS 2)
DIAL YOUR MOBILE NUMBER
(I DIALED MY NUMBER)
YOUR NUMBER IS xx-xxx-xxx PRESS 1 IF ITS CORRECT, PRESS 2 IF YOU ARE A F***KIN ILLITERATE AND YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL






(I PRESS 1)

OK, SO YOU CAN COUNT,PRESS 1 FOR MOBILE PROBLEM,PRESS 2 BECAUSE YOU SCREWED UP YOUR INTERNET


(I PRESS 2)

PRESS 1 IF YOU ARE LEFTY, PRESS 2 IF YOU ARE RIGHT HANDED, PRESS 3 IF YOU DON’T HAVE HANDS





(WTF!!! PRESS 2)

PRESS ONE TO TALK TO OUR CUSTOMER CARE

(I PRESS 1)

SORRY,ALL OUR EXECUTIVES ARE BUSY,ACTUALLY WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM,SO,DON’T BE A 2 YR OLD GIRL AND STOP CRYIN ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM,FIX IT ON YOUR OWN,PRESS 1 IF YOU STILL HAVE NO SELF RESPECT AND WANT TO CONTINUE




(I PRESS 1)

*THEY CUT THE CALL*

ME-



*SHIV THROWS THE PHONE OUT OF THE WINDOW*

S MAN V/S THE K WOMEN ;)

Story of Every Ekta Kapoor/Saas Bahu Soap ever made(or to be made)


1)The girl is Blind/has a Dark Complexion/is Deaf/Dumb/short/ugly like sh*t(looks like a result of breeding between Great Khali and Johnny lever)/has 200076 teeth in her mouth/has two heads (none of them having a brain)






2)If She is rich,She is arrogant,and falls for a poor guy,if shes poor she falls for a super rich guy,who comes from A SUPER DUPER RICH “BUSINESS” FAMILY,WHERE MEN AND WOMEN WEAR FANCY CLOTHES THE WHOLE DAY,ENGAGE IN CHOOGLI(GOD KNOWS WHEN THEY ACTUALLY GO TO WORK TO BE SO “RICH”)




3)The rich boy/rich girl has a mother who is proud/arrogant/bitchy.cunning and wears fancy sarees and jewellary,and doesn’t even go to the bathroom without her 12 hour makeup on.




4)Basically the men in the family are USELESS,ALL THEY DO IS SIT IN THE CORNER,GET SCOLDED BY THEIR WIVES/SIGN WRONG DOCUMENTS WHICH LEADS TO TFR OF PROPERTY ETC ETC





5)There is also a grandma who is 5 billion years old,who refuses to die,whereas every 20 year old in the serial regularly dies of a bullet shot/explosion/cancer/AIDS/PILES




6)After the love affair,singing and dancing,the boy/girl get married to someone else,now a long series of remarriages start(takes about 10 years to complete and about 1000 years for the viewer to understand)
This is my humble attempt to make you understand how it happens-

Step 1-Original Husband/Wife dies
Step2-Girl/Boy marry dead Husband/Wife ki Bhai/Behen
Step3-The Person in Step 1 comes back
Step 4-Divorce of Sep 2
Step5-Person of Step 3 already marries another Boy/Girl
Step6-Person in Step 2 and 5 fall in love and marry
Step7-Person born from Step6 marries person born from Step 2
Step8-Viewer loses his/her mind marries his dog,dies from intense pain in the brain/goes into a coma

How to make your own celebrities :P

These are my perfect ingrediants for making your bollywood/hollywood star,if u get offended after reading this coz i kicked arses of your favrt celebrities,well SCREW YOU!! :-P

1)FIRST CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS-

SUPERMAN








PLUS


BATMAN






PLUS

SPIDERMAN






PLUS




A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION TO MAGNIFY ALL THEIR POWERS MILLION TIMES






AND THE MOST IMPORTANT
NOTE-DO NOT FORGET,OR YOUR EXPERIMENT WILL MOST DEFINITELY FAIL---



IDLI SAMBAR




AND YOU HAVE THE ONE,THE ONLY,THE AMAZING,INCREDIBLE,BALD,BLACK,BUDHA












ENNA RASCALA MIND IT!!!


2)FOR MAKING THE 2ND CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS-
SOME REALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY FAAATTTTTTTTTTT AND UGLY LIPS



I MEAN REAALLLLLLLY FAAAAATTT


PLUS

A FROG-ANY SIMPLE FROG,BUT THE ONLY CONDITION IS SHOULDN'T ACT BETTER THAN PRIYANKA CHOPRA




AND YOU GET.......

EUREKA!!!!





3)THIRD CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS
A BAT



PLUS

A FRIDGE



NOW ALL YA GOTTA DO IS PUT DEAD BAT IN THE FRIDGE FOR CLOSE TO A MILLION YEARS,WHEN YOU TAKE IT OUT MAKE SURE IT IS STINKING,HAS PALM TREES GROWING PN HIS HEAD INSTEAD OF HAIR AND HAS 600 PACK ABS..MAKE SURE HE SPEAKS STUPID MUSHY ROMANTIC STUFF TOO….AND VOILA……..



THE ULTIMATE DOUCHE BAG OF ALL

ROBERT KISKA-SON




4)FOURTH CELEBRITY-INGREDIENTS

SILICON CHIPS
FIND SOME REALLY CHEAP QUALITY SILICON CHIPS..THAT CAN MALFUNCTION ANYTIME ANYWHERE( PREFERABLY A REALITY SHOW)



CRY BABY
A CRY BABY WHICH CAN CRY UNTIL 21 DEC 2012




AND YOU GET....
MRI JAAN RAKHI SAWANT :-P

The plot of every akshay kumar movie ever :p part 1

CLICK TO ENLARGE

The plot of every akshay kumar movie ever :p part 2

CLICK TO ENLARGE



CLICK TO ENLARGE

Raajneeti

"Power Corrupts,and absolute power corrupts absolutely"
-Mahatma Gandhi

its said India has 3 religions-one, politics,two,cricket,and three Bollywood, people love to argue about these three things,everybody has their own opinion,and everybody considers themselves to be an expert in these 3 fields.

Traditionally politics has never been portrayed correctly in Bollywood,politicians are generally shown to be corrupt guys who come in between the hero and the heroine,Rajneeti too is about corrupt politicians,but deals with the matter in panache

Rajneeti combines two of the greatest epics of India, Mahabharata and the saga of Nehru Gandhi family,with a dash of Godfather,its one of those movies which will still be relevant after 10 years.Its a classic,another good one from the prakash jha camp.

All the actors deserve best actor nomination, be it Nana patekar,who played the part of Lord Krishna in the movie,Manoj "karara jawab denge"bajpai,Katrina kaif ,who for me did a mediocre job,Naseerudin Shah, who had a disappearing act in the movie,Ranbir Kapoor who played Arjun,Ajay Devgn as Karan, and my favorite bloke of wood turned actor Arjun"Ankhiya milaon kbi ankhiya churaon" rampal, who according to me was the reel version of Sanjay Gandhi.Arjun Rampal has grown immensely as an actor.

My 5 on 5 for this one,one of the mos hard hitting movie in recent times,intelligent cinema.after watching this movie,you will be disgusted and amazed by the power play in Indian politics ,missing it would be a crime.

ADIOS AMIGOS!!!!

An open Letter from Rakhi Sawant

species-itemus girlika
genus-tharkis
family- silicon implantus

An open Letter from Rakhi Sawant


To all My phans(although i love khaitan ke pankhe da most)

heloz da viewerz,gor se dekho aur gor se dekhooooo,bas bas zyda ni nai to silicon chubh jayega :p
dis is rakhis,2day m on da wire,or as they say on lines,writing letr fr da firsts times,pleej beat your one hand with the other(clap) and blow gas from your holes(whistle)
i luvz indian peoples,and mke luv wid stray dogs(she means she cares alot about stray dogs),i am so full of silicone,you could make a motherboard out of me,i am very talenteds,
i luves 2 dancers,i am looking for luv in ma livez,my prince charms(cigaratte wla :P),who will come on a horses,and drag me(she means will taker her wid him),i luvs to acts
so friendss dis ij alls for 2day

with lots of luvs,
yours and only yours*
Rakhis Sawants

* premium charges apply