WhY I hAtE LiFts...

There are times in a man’s life when he is all tired, and demoralized, and then there is a divine intervention, something from within tells him to march forward and fight the situation and then there are sometimes when you can feel your balls in your throat, you crap in your pants, waiting for the nightmare to end, when you are stuck in an elevator with a dog…
Last night I went to a friend’s place, lived on the 13th floor (how lucky that is) now let me confess I hate lifts, and I started to climb the stairs, but somehow on the second floor I convinced myself to take the lift. I took the lift, there were 3 people in the lift, me, a lady with only 2 teeth in her mouth, looked like she was straight from some ram gopal verma’s horror flick, and her dog, I don’t remember which breed, but the dog was straight from hell, giving me looks as if he was going to bite my ass off.
Somewhere around the eight floor, the lift stopped, I got scared not because the lift stopped but because the 2 toothed ugly lady was smiling at me, aisa look deri thi ki amrish puri bhi sharma jaye,I thought to myself “beta, ya to aj you are going to get molested or going to get rabies injection, or both”.confusion ye bi tha ki katega kon and molest kon karega.
The dog was really upset and was barking like hell, now if you live on planet earth, and have ever used lifts, you would realize that lifts are not that spacious, a dog barking and jumping could touch your legs with his sharp teeth, and make you piss in your pants.
Somehow after 2 minutes, the lift started and I (safely!!) went on to meet my friend.

I AM DONE WITH LIFTS IN THIS LIFE.

WhAt If.....ParT-1

Here i was relax-singh in my room,surfing da net,drinking tea..and..SUDDENLY... a thought came to my mind,what if there was no internet,no cellphones,no computers,no TV,no ipods,NO BALDY RAGHU TO TEACH YOUNG KIDS HOW TO SWEAR...NO EKTA KAPOOR SERIALS.....OMG!!.....WHAT IF WE WERE STILL IN THE STONE AGE.....

1)IF THERE WAS NO EKTA KAPOOR SERIAL-
Women would naturally be unhappy,they would have to do boring things like taking care of kids,cooking food,cleaning the cave,no endless weepings..no jina marna fir jeena fir marna fir jeena,no 1000 shadis per women in a serial,and baa would not be the 300 year old women she is

2)NO PHACEBOOK,CHIRKUT OR TWEEEETER
No social networking!!!,how would we say hi and heloz to people we hardly care about,how would we do FRAAANDSHIP wid girls,how would we throw sheep,logs of wood,stones,god knows what nots at people,how would we constantly post updates for people who give a hog shit about our lives!!

3)NO ROADIES..SPLITSVILLA...RAKHI KA SWAYAMVAR,RAKHI KI SUHAGRAAT :P
No MTV!!!,no stupid reality shows,..how will our kids learn to say maa ki nd behen ki galiss,how will rakhi sawant earn a living :O

MORE WHAT IF'S COMING SOON...:P

BadabiNg badAbOOm

ThE( WoRsT) iNDIans Of ThE yR AwarDs

After intense research and lotz of sleepless nights,nd discussion with an emminent jury,consisting ramlal(gali ka kutta) and ma chaiwalla chotu,here are ma awards for ppl making dog shit out of their careers in 2009.......

POLITICS

C.M. madhu koda
Fr being do koda(i) ka insan,

Claim 2 fame-2000cr khagaya nd Dakar bi ni mari :p

BUSINESS

Satyam ke raju ji
sir apne to kamal hi kr diya

Claim 2 fame-
satyam satyam yes papa
Going profitable
Yes papa
Show me your balance sheet
HAHAHAHAHAHAH

ENTERTAINMENT
rakhi sawant

Claim 2 fame-jejusss ki daya hn ap par mataji,jus w8ng fr rakhi ka swayamvr season 2 :p

PUBLIC SERVICE

Himesh nd Akshay kumar
Claim 2 fame-single handedly screwed da minds of Indian cine goers,ab log darr ke mare muviz nai dekhte,nd apna dimag dusri jagah lgate hn,gr88 wrk